Author: James Aaron

I just wasted two minutes looking for a certain gif for this post. It showed a kid in a red shirt dancing shouting “Let's GOOOOOOO” and it indicated how I feel about 2023.

While I was looking for the gif, standing at the kitchen counter, my daughter took the opportunity to ask for juice, and then hounded me until I got it for her. She did eventually say please, but as long as she can see me, I'm fair game for service.

I often find myself dwelling on the opportunities I've been given and how I squander them in various ways. I don't want to do that anymore. I've been pretty lucky that I get opportunities to write things, and I've let that slide over the last few years.

I tend to focus on the task that's write in front of me, like going to work, or solving the latest work problem, and writing a novel isn't that kind of problem. It isn't like the daughter making small shrieking sounds because she wants apple juice. The novel doesn't even come in the room, but when the deadline passes, you know it's there, starting to smell bad because it didn't get cooked all the way and now the ideas holding it together are starting to mold.

I hate that.

Lots of things pulling at my attention. My mom calls me six times a day and doesn't remember that she called. She asks me why she has all this lunch meat in her fridge that we just bought at the grocery story because she said she didn't have anything to eat. And what's she going to do by herself? Am I bringing the kiddo down? No, I'm at work, mom.

And other family things. Cub Scouts is great, and legos are great. Vet appointments are necessary and health problems suck. It's all whirling around my head when I put my hands on the keyboard, and then it's just easier to give in and read comments on reddit for 30 minutes until something else pops up.

Can't do that anymore.

I did delete reddit off my phone, and I logged out on all my PCs. The withdrawal has begun. I'll keep you posted.

Things that are working now:

Things that aren't working:

• Thinking I'll write at the end of the work day
• Going to bed too late.
• Not doing some sort of consistent writing every day.
• Being sick
• Taking care of others and not prioritizing myself (VA Claim, new glasses, etc)

I spend too much time distracted, both by things that deserve my attention, like my child, and things that don't, like Reddit.

Sitting down at the computer or pulling out my phone and navigating to a site like Reddit or YouTube is asking the internet to fill my brain with sludge. The only intention is to be distracted, to not have to think for a while, to get caught up in someone else's drama so I don't have to think about my own problems.

I wish I could stay focused on what I need to write. Someone asked me if I still enjoy writing and I do, a lot. But I take it seriously and it's hard to just sit down and do it. I have to put myself out of the mindset and simply make something, mold some clay, I guess. It's hard. Everywhere I look is an invitation to consume mindlessly, to turn off my brain.

I've managed to control my love of alcohol. I have my calories under control. It's time to get rid of Reddit.